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Don’t underestimate my ability to do absolutely nothing.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.