Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
Cops never say “thanks for committing crimes and keeping us employed”. It’s just plain selfish.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?