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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
No children were harmed in making this status. Ignored perhaps, but certainly not harmed…
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
is it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson´s by 2011?
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
This status update contains many of the same words that appear on Pulitzer Prize winning novels.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?