Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
My resolution for the New Year is to find more situations where it`s acceptable to wear a bathrobe out in public
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
I go from "Hard to get" to "Hard to get rid of" in 6 beers flat.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Today`s subliminal thought is: …