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This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
I think my guardian angel drinks.
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.