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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Go ahead, judge me. Wait, let me get my bat first. Alright, I`m ready now.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"