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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!