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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.