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What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Perhaps we should hold elections on the last Friday of November, with polling stations at Walmart, Target and Apple
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I feel sorry for people who take everything way too seriously.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.