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I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
If you`re not procrastinating just a little, you`re not doing Saturday right.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I give up on life! I have better luck playing Monopoly...or Clue...
I`m having an out of money experience.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.