Daily Silly Status

RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.

Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery

I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.

Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?

I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P

Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.

My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.

Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.

I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.

Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`

Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.

Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.

Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?

A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.