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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
I bought a pair of Meatloaf underwear today. On the front they say `I would do anything for love`. On the back, `But I wont do that!`
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Where do all the ice cream men go in winter?
I live like I type, fast and with lots of mistakes!
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.