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Please either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it`s your choice.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
Digging through a box in the closet and I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost 2 years ago.
“Screw it” – My final thought before making most decisions.
I`m making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I`m accurate, how do you spell your name again?
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.