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I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.