Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
Home is where the pants aren`t.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Saw a hobo sleeping on a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. Must be his alarm system.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.