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If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
The police want to interview me. Strange, I didn`t even apply for a job there.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I read that taking a long, hot bath can help with managing stress. Unfortunately my boss doesn`t approve.
You can tell a lot about a person by putting a hidden camera in their bedroom.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?