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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.