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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.