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I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I don`t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.
I`d like to thank my exs for encouraging me to learn about cars. Like how to cut the break lines, hoses, or discreetly slash a tire.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.