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Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
Light travels faster than sound. That`s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.