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Your family tree has a couple of coconuts
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…