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Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
That one day of fame on Facebook because it`s your birthday.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.