Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
My house isn’t dirty, I just have everything on display.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."