Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s nothing as wonderful as waking up in the morning next to a gorgeous smiling face. So I keep a mirror next to my bed.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
She texted me: "Your adorable.". I replied: "No, you`re adorable." Now she thinks I like her. All I did was point out her typo!
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.