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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I have decided to stop exercising and just learn Photoshop.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.