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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
Friends are like snowflakes.... if you pee on them they disappear.
It`s kill or be killed. Or eat a sandwich. Maybe go for a light jog. Draw a picture of a duck. There are a lot of options out there.
often rambles on and on about this and that seeming to be heading towards a point but really just blabbing about nothing.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.