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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
I hate it when I think I`m buying organic vegetables and I get home to discover they`re just regular doughnuts.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
I say the things better left unsaid.
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.