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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I try not to limit my madness to March.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....