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I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.