Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Remember before we met? I miss those days.
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.