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I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left behind by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
So I was thinking... We should get drunk and make bad decisions.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!