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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.
"Is everything OK?" "Well, I`ve been kind of down since the divorce..." "I meant with your pasta, sir."