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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.