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I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
My girlfriend is gorgeous, selfless, graceful, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.