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Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
High fiving was the original "like".
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
I guess I need to buy some new drink coasters because I finally ran out of AOL free trial CDs.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.