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"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
I hate it when people like their own statuses * At this point you like your status for dramatic effect*
The first rule of the OCD Club is to have a second rule so there is an even number of rules.
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
Chip clips are for quitters.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.