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People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them