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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
9 out of 10 doctors will agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
I wish I drove a Volkswagen bug. It would be cool to know that every time I drove by a school bus, some kid was getting punched.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
If you go to dinner alone always ask for a table for two. Look sad as you eat and you will almost always get a free dessert
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.