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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.