Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
So much to say. So not drunk enough to say it.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow. Consider other things such as how much money they have.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
Running behind is my cardio.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.