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Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
condoms prevent minivans
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I`m not a control freak. I just know what`s best...for everyone.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Did you hear about the homeless guy that tried selling me meth?.... Yeah it was Bumcrack.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.