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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?