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Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
I`m tired of things costing money
How do nudist clean their glasses?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.