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Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single f*cking one of them
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.
Some people should come with subtitles.