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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
is available for rebound sex.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
If you can`t celebrate Valentine`s Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day