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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
All I`m saying is, you`ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.
My room isn`t messy. I just prefer to have my favorite items on display.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.