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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
BEER! The official sponsor of hot days!
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.