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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Picture a scavenger hunt where the only items on the list are "your house keys" and "your house." Well, son, that`s what drinking is like.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!
My "Savings Account" is just several pairs of unwashed jeans on the floor that may or may not still have change in the pockets.