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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
Do people with cats not know about dogs?
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards