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I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
Commence six months of the clock in my car being wrong.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.