Daily Silly Status

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.

Do bees even have knees?

You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?

In actuality, Batman is just a more violent and dark version of Inspector Gadget.

Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.

I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.

That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.

You look like I need another drink

Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late

It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts

I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"

OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!

So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?

Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.