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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
More people should be at a loss for words.
I need more people like me in my life
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.