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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. Iām really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
In alcohol`s defence, I`ve done some pretty dumb sh*t while completely sober too.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.