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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
So who the hell ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.