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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
My girlfriend said we can`t hang out this weekend because she doesn`t really exist.
This time change has me all messed up. Driving with my hands at 11 and 3 is hard
You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I haven`t been this disappointed since I first saw a real hedgehog and it wasn`t blue.
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.