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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
How does one get a nice body without moving?
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
Sometimes, talking to a woman requires a translator.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.