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Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
When I die, before my will is read, I want my entire Google search history revealed and whoever is left in the room gets it all.
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....