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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
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The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.