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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.
I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Friday. The golden child of the weekdays. The superhero of the workweek. The welcome wagon to the weekend. The famous F word we thank God for every week.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
I`m at the point in my life where "friend with benefits" just means a person who gives me their Bed Bath & Beyond coupons.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.