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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...