Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
I make a great second impression.
I won $20 by not playing the lottery last night!
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?